Thoughts & Drabbles
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Jack of all trades, master of none
My desires are pulling me in a hundred directions and my body is paying the price. I want to be an expert. In what, I can’t say. But I desperately am craving money, power, and recognition. I grew up being told I would change the world, and now I feel that prophecy hang around my neck like a chain that gets tighter every year I don’t accomplish the impossible. I was supposed to be living a life that made people gasp in awe and run hot with envy. There is a constant thread of “not good enough not good enough” that runs in the back of my head. Should I…
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Psychodidae
In a time before the Warrior was bequeathed with the heavy Knowing, a memorial was constructed to honor the folly of man. But Man was a fool, and his ill-conceit opened the gates to the immortal world far below. With no concern for his fellows, Man drilled deep into the evil of the underworld. No traps were laid, no sigils drawn, no offerings to honor the goddess Cheuksin. Lines intended to keep humanity safe were tread upon without care. And with such impetuous desecration, the seals were broken and terrible creatures ascended to the human plane. When the Warrior Knew, a battle unlike any in history unfolded. Demons rose from…
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I stood in my tiny little kitchen with the leaky sink, making pour over coffee into the mug I painted on a field trip in Seoul two years ago, in an apartment in an small city crescented by mountains that overlooks the ocean on the southern coast of Korea, and then suddenly thought: How odd that I ended up here. How unexpectedly routine. How serendipitous. How unbelievable. How lucky.
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Land of Opposites
Sometimes I am surprised by the mundane familiarity that Korea offers. I drive a car, I go to Costco, I have insurance. I know that it can be unintentionally condescending to feel shock at “Western” amenities but a lifetime of “foreign = exotic” still gives me surprise when any country operates at all like the US. I drive my car with my postpaid toll card to and from department stores and automatic parking lots and feel wonder less and less at what are perfectly normal global occurrences. And yet. When it first started to get warm, I turned on my AC and later went to my veranda to put up…
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Becoming who I am
I don’t think living abroad is a universal experience for the average Floridian. Sometimes I myself can hardly believe that I am overseas. And yet all the foreign people I know here share this singular experience that seems so impossible back home. I remember at my friend’s wedding that the bride suggested I talk to a guest. He had taught all over the world and was currently stationed in Russia. I felt myself go hot with jealousy. But hey, look at me now. This month was my two year Korea anniversary. Can you believe it? It’s not only the anniversary of me moving here but moreso of me finally listening…
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I’ll tell you this: The braver I am, the luckier I get. Glennon Doyle
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Bitterness
I think we are only bitter about other people’s joy in direct proportion to our commitment to keep joy from ourselves. The more often I do things I want to do, the less bitter I am at people for doing what they want to do. Glennon Doyle
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Nostalgia
In between what often feels like long stretches of isolation and endurance, I realized the bad is not so bad or so long. Since I bought a car, I’ve regained a sense of freedom that floated away at the beginning of COVID along with a number of other things and have been inspired to think back upon my time here. I’ve known such joy and also such disappointment, betrayal, wonder, confusion, excitement, and disbelief. I have been tested and squeezed and stretched to limits I didn’t know I had. I miss my Seoul uni friends and our time together so much my whole chest aches. Kang Ho Joon, the faithful…
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Curriculum Challenges
Month 2 and I still find I just don’t have the time or resources to teach my students all that they should know. Planning for my travel school has become an exercise in frustration. Here’s an example— At my travel school, I teach one of the three classes fifth and sixth graders have per week. This week sixth grade starts chapter 3. Chapter 3 has vocabulary like “Earth Day, field day, concert”. Oh, and the kids are also supposed to already know all twelve months and the ordinal numbers first to thirty first. Was there any chapter that taught that? No. Did they learn months and ordinal numbers in fifth…
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Life is too short to eat burned bread
I popped my frozen bagel in the toaster and pushed the lever again when they popped out still a little pasty. Like all toasting situations, I forgot to pay close attention to the millisecond between perfectly browned and burned so as a result two partially blackened bagel halves made an appearance. I thought, well only the bottoms and edges are burnt so I can scoop out the good parts and maybe I’ll save fifty percent. Then I stopped myself. I had at least six other bagels in the freezer. I wasn’t hurting for money or food, so why was I trying so hard to salvage the bitter bagel ends when…