For the second time this week, my car wouldn’t start. Now an old pro, I called my insurance emergency English line which sent the same repair man out. “I jumpstarted your battery yesterday, right?” He asked on the phone. We’re old friends now. He jumped my car again but told me I needed a new battery. “When was the last time you bought a battery?“ “Well I bought this car used so I don’t know.” Looking horrified he called up the local insurance service center and checked the price of a new battery for me while also advising to go there straight away. I’d already been sitting in the school…

“What’s the word? Compliment?” Wendy asked me as soon as I got into the office. “Positive? Then yes, compliment.” I said. “Oh, well the 4-6 teacher complimented you.” Fourth grade is pretty good overall but some classes are easier to manage than others. About half of the teachers dip as soon as I arrive, or even before, which as we know is par for the course, no matter how much policy emphasizes that I cannot be alone with the students. Unless it’s for a whole week of summer camp then it’s allowed, for reasons I can’t begin to unravel. 4-4 is great; the homeroom teacher is always there and also…

Instead of giving 5-1 the last day worksheet, we instead talked about kpop trends and had a spontaneous fashion show, complete with YouTube catwalk music. This was inspired less by fashion and more by my boys who had spontaneously started to strut while passing out papers. Why not throw away the lesson for a modeling show? It’s the last week of the semester. Two of these boys have pretended to make out with each other in the past for the sake of theater; there’s very little this class will not do. There’s one boy I can count on to always look at in commiseration and another whose eyes literally sparkle…

As I transitioned from prepubescent to postpubescent, my secret bucket list item changed from “receive a letter from Hogwarts” to “get model scouted”. The highest form of praise for one’s looks, in my opinion back then, was for a modeling agent to professionally deem me attractive. That, of course, never happened so I had to go through all the highs and lows of puberty by myself, feeling chubby and awkward. I went to a Jonas Brothers concert when I was 16 and pretended that I could be the girl in their song, fully knowing with my shaved head and jiggly tummy that I was happily delusional. 2005 was a different…

I’ve seen my students cry, I’ve seen them pretend to be horses, I’ve seen them punch and kick and hug each other. Today marked my first experience seeing a student have a panic attack. It was like looking into a mirror. I think I need to be much more cognizant of what activities I select for fifth grade as out of all the grades I’ve taught, these students are the most sensitive. Whether it was in the capital of Seoul or down here by the coast, the student population I’ve seen cry the most are in fact fifth grade boys. Today we geared up for my famous spelling race game.…

Due to unsafe ocean conditions, our province-sponsored trip to Dokdo Island this week was postponed to September. I was sad less for the missed opportunity to see an important Korean landmark (a disputed chunk of rock between Korea and Japan) and more so for the sudden loss of free vacation time. Looks like I’ll need to slap lesson plans together for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wendy consoled me. “The vice principal feels bad that the trip was canceled but he says the weather will be beautiful in September.” Cool but does he feel bad enough to give me extra vacation days this week…? I took this Monday easy, doing comic…

Today was mandatory CPR training. No one else would understand The Office reference so I just laughed to myself, as I usually have to do. I wondered why I was even required to go since the whole presentation was in Korean but then also appreciated that I was considered part of the team. A funny lady with a strong southern accent kicked off the meeting in a small auditorium I didn’t even know our school had. I got the gist of most of what she said if I concentrated, and not by virtue of exact internal translation but rather understanding some words and guessing the meaning from context. Wendy leaned…

I drove down to Busan for a face peel and my yearly underarm Botox to prevent sweating, a necessity when half of the homeroom teachers refuse to turn on the A/C. The young female translator met me at the counter and then led me to another room for the face peel. An older esthetician prepared my face and we chatted in Korean. “Oh are you talking to me?” I asked, having zoned out under her gentle touch. “Oh no, sorry, I’m talking to the doctor,” she said, gesturing to her earpiece like dermatology secret service. “And oh, you speak Korean! Your intonation is so nice.” Yesterday, the pharmacist got all…

I was asking Yana for some grammar help while making plans with a blind date man MJ set me up with. MJ is friends with the head teacher whose younger sister has a single coworker. She proposed the idea last week and I agreed, because I’m an extrovert and a masochist. “Oh, I got set up on a blind date so I’m trying to figure out the details but we’re texting in Korean since he doesn’t know English.” “Oh, do you want to date a Korean man?” She asked. I mean, I’m not too specific. “I think that would be hard here.” She added, and we both understood that as…

월요병. Monday disease. In English when I hear this phrase I think of corporate motivational posters but in Korea it feels like a real affliction. The only temporary fix I’ve found is a hard workout or daydreaming about a beach trip to Thailand and never coming back. This semester has been absolutely non-stop between my day job, evening tutoring, evening Korean classes, TOPIK self study, and teaching weekend debate. Mondays this year have, without fail, punted me into the ground. Today was no different. My five classes vacillated between fine and straining. Helen’s homeroom class is my biggest offender. I actually thought to myself, quite shamefully but no less truthfully,…