3.3 Fall 2021

December 22, No rest for the wicked

Here I am at midnight typing on my old tablet. In a rerun episode of my younger years, I have been struck by a period of insomnia.

When I was in elementary school, I spent hours every night waiting for sleep to come. Like a rat that’s sussed out the trap, it never did. Every night it took me nearly two hours to fall asleep, or more– and this was before the age of smartphones. There was nothing keeping me awake save my own body clock.

Later, when I was a bit older, I would sneak into the den, pour myself a bowl of bacon bits, and watch Iron Chef until the wee hours of night.

When I first started in corporate, I stayed late at the BJJ gym every night, and then spent additional hours laying in an exhausted heap on my beige apartment floor willing myself to get up and shower. Those days I was only sleeping 3 to 4 hours a night.

Insomnia catches up to me like an old abuser. I don’t know why this month has been so sleepless. Perhaps the final sprint to the end of the semester, where we are heaving, our heels have been rubbed raw, but the end is so close that a little more is an appropriate sacrifice.

And so I find myself lately, tired and achy, laying in complete comfort, and waiting for that old friend who keeps standing me up. Or maybe it’s the off key singing of the neighbor to my left, or the loud conversation at odd hours of my navy neighbor to the right. The walls are paper thin so I’ve been listening to him have a sneezing fit for the last twenty minutes.

I think about mundane and self-centered things: what will I have for dinner tomorrow? Should I wear the red jacket to school? If I go to Korean class at a different time, will I run into that weird guy? If so, what do I say? Should I go see the new Spiderman movie on Christmas day?

For all my attempts otherwise, I am still a basic creature.

However, I forgot that this is also the time I used to wake up and follow my inspirations. In a way, it’s a nice reminder that I haven’t completely lost my creative spirt.

Just without the late night bacon bits.

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